Herenton Should Be Recalled, But....

A couple of years ago Thaddeus Matthews, a local blogger and muckraker, led an effort to force a recall election in which he, and many others, hoped to kick Mayor Willie Herenton, PhD out of office.

He gathered signatures for weeks. The whining from City Hall and its minions at the Election Commission was as comical as it was deafening. It seemed like every other day someone had a new rule, a new exclusion, or a new policy that seemed to make it nigh well impossible for Matthews to get enough signatures. The number needed seemed to regularly change.

In the end, the effort failed. I think a fair argument can be made that the biggest reason was that Matthews was the point person. He's not an easy person to understand, yet alone rally behind.

But his mission was righteous, even if his methods were a bit lacking. He didn't have the bipartisan support he needed to make it happen, i.e. the Memphis black community didn't rally around the flag.

The uproar over MSARC is, for the first time (as I have previously written) an issue that is exposing Herenton's failures and lack of true leadership more clearly than any other I can remember. To publicly say he had no idea what was going on at what is commonly known as "The Rape Crisis Center" clearly shows what kind of arrogant, pompous, reprobate we elected lo these many terms ago.

In the past, the black community has chosen to ignore Hizzoner's many foibles. Bribes? No problem. Under-the-table payments? We're with you. Appointing his many unqualified friends to run key city departments? It's all good. Fathering illegitimate children? Whoa, stop right there, Mayor. OK, let's forget that too."

But along came Hurricane Elvis, which was non-discriminatory in what neighborhoods it slammed. The King of Whitehaven was out of town, and didn't rush back to personally do anything about his decimated city. There was a small note of discord from black Memphis, but mostly it was, "leave OUR mayor alone, whitey."

Then, last year, the Hickory Hill tornado ripped apart an area that has been a guaranteed block vote for the Mayor. Once again, Herenton chose to ignore the plight of his people. He never even did a walking tour to shake hands and tell people help was on the way. For many, help has still not come. This time, black Memphians went on camera and on the record, wondering where THEIR mayor was. But, over time, that chorus seemed to fade.

Now we have an issue that clearly cuts cleanly across racial lines. The Memphis Sexual Assault Resource Center is a critical agency that provides investigative services, aid and comfort. Without it convicting rapists becomes exceptionally difficult, if not impossible. And, let's face it, in Memphis most rape victims are black.

For the first time there appears to be a continuing outcry in the black community, but not nearly as large as what it should be. If a black Memphian worked at a business where the manager continually screwed things up, and if that manager kept hiring his cronies to assistant manager and supervisor positions, bypassing more qualified people, I think it's a safe bet that black Memphians would scream, holler, and demand change.

So, with Herenton's appointees having nearly destroyed MSARC, and with black rape victims about to be assaulted all over again by a system that will now rape them all over again, one might think black Memphians could get past the "he's one of us so leave him alone" stigma that stunts any progress Memphis might make if left to people with better vision.

Make no mistake, some outspoken and educated Memphians, both black and white, see this issue for what it is; an incompetent, apathetic, and arrogant Mayor who simply couldn't care less. Hizzoners comments accusing the media of only caring about the MSARC issue because the recent victims were white once again shows why this racist of a man should not be the Mayor of anywhere, let alone a major metropolis.

I can honestly say I didn't know the color of the recent victims until Bigot Man made his comments. To me color really doesn't matter a hoot in most things, especially this one.

But to Herenton, and many of his sycophants, that's what it's all about. It's what it's always about. Race is the alpha and omega for Memphis politics. It's also what's holding us back. As long as Herenton and his band of brothers keeps using the race card at every opportunity, old wounds stay open and new ones appear. Herenton knows, though, that the race card keeps him in office. I don't blame him as much as I blame the morons who believe his spew and keep the hatred percolating. Racism was terrible here. Electing a black Mayor was a HUGE step forward for this city. It was a righteous thing to do. Make no mistake, black Memphians didn't have a politicial voice in this city until Herenton's election. Now it's a voice they are using to allow the Mayor to rape the city and to make us all look like a bunch of "hatas", to quote Hizzoner. We can't "shake off them hata's", to quote Hizzoner, as long as Herenton is the mayor.

But the bigger issue here is black Memphis' refusal to call him to account. At what point do people finally have enough of the taste of sewage Herenton continues to force down our throats to take a stand for what's right?

The City Council won't. I firmly believe Joe Brown would take Herenton's skivvies to the laundry if the Mayor asked. I wonder how Brown manages to sneeze without giving Herenton an enema.

And Wanda Halbert is nearly as bad. Then there's $5 Barb Ware, Janis Fullidope, and good old Edmund Ford, Jr. They vote as a block. They vote black. And they are, I am absolutely certain, responsible for the many lipstick marks on the Mayor's derriere.

Today's Memphis has no place for those who vote exclusively black or white. There are too many issues of importance to all races, issues that require thought and strong, decisive action. Which is exactly why the Memphis City Council is incapable of doing anything consistently well.

Credit where credit is due, however. By refusing to fund MSARC operations and forcing its leadership to County Government, the council took a brave stand. It stood up to the Mayor and told him to pound sand. It showed him it wouldn't tolerate his refusal to force his appointees to take responsibility for the debacle.

Herenton has, consistently, refused to take anything but credit. If it's something good, it's all about Willie. Something bad is all about whitey, which is exactly the racially charged direction in which Hizzoner took us all again this week.

Which brings us back to how I started today's posting. It's time to recall Herenton. It's time to kick his lying, cheating, bigoted butt out of office. He's hurting us all, but he's especially hurting black Memphis. By not "representing", beyond his portrayal of himself as a ghetto thug out to hep the homeys and hammer the honkeys, (remember, "if you don't bring me no mess, there ain't goin to be no mess?") Herenton hurts us all, black, white, yellow, brown, all of us in this rainbow soup we call home.

Black Memphis has to lead the charge on this one. If not, then it's just those "East Memphis Devils" in action again.

It's time for black Memphis to stand up, and admit the chosen one has failed them and us all.

It takes courage, but it's the right thing to do. And I, for one, will stand shoulder-to-shoulder with them to hold signs, distribute petitions, and donate cash for the legal battle that is sure to follow.

It won't be fun, and it won't be painless. But it's painfully clear a Herenton recall is the spoonful of sugar that will help the medicine that has been the crap he's distributed finally go down and go away.

How about it? Are you strong enough to do what's right, or are you willing to continue to ignore what's going on because of skin color?

Murder is a sin, no matter who you're killing

If you believe that God's word is contained in the Holy Bible, which I do, it's exceptionally clear that He frowns on murder.

Some will fervently and righteously point out that the Old Testament contains the "eye for an eye" passage. But the Temptations also said, "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, vote for me and I'll set you free", and that didn't make me want to run out and punch somebody in the mouth, even though I listened to "Ball of Confusion" until the grooves wore out on the 45-rpm on which I listened to it. Yes, I had LP's and 45's. I am a "Boomer." Deal with it. I'm an IPod geek now, so there.

God is very clear that He is the ONLY one who can give and take life. He didn't mean we should all go around offing each other when we pissed each other off. He wasn't calling for us to take His law into our hands and act as we felt He would. There are times when humans start thinking they can act as God's proxy or His appointed executioner. They can defend their actions until the Holy Cows come home and it still won't be God's will.

Humans are not allowed, under God's law, to take life on a whim or because somebody is doing something we think is illegal or morally repugnant, no matter how vile their actions might be.

There are self-righteous faux Christians who feel it's both acceptable and heavenly-guided to use deadly force against those who provide, or perform, abortions.

You can call it "choice" all day, and it's still murder. By providing abortions, George Tiller was sinning in God's eyes. BUT that was between him and God. What Tiller was doing is legal under Kansas law. There is a higher law, of course, and Tiller will now have to answer for that. Because Tiller was sinning NO human had the right, or the Godly instruction, to murder him. And it IS murder. It's not righteous. One can argue all day that God wants such sinners smited, struck down, etc. But God is clear that life is His to give and take. And there is no passage I can find in Holy Scripture that commands me to go kill somebody.

I bring up His word so frequently in this because those who are now celebrating Tiller's murder as a "righteous kill" will bring up His word in its defense.

They say, "we're acting in defense of the innocents." Isn't that God's job? Excuse me, but I didn't see a decree, written on parchment of fire, that gave you the position of judge, jury, and executioner. Christ said, "suffer the children to come unto me." He didn't say, "hey, guard them kids by murdering people." I realize some say the Bible is open to interpretation. You can't get close to an interpretation of any scripture that puts the right to murder in the hands of humans.

What sickens me about this senseless loss of life is the celebration I hear from some zealots in the anti-abortion movement. I read the self-righteous statements and press releases coming from some organizations today, and I can see the "gotcha" dripping from them.

I abhor abortion. I believe it's the murder of innocents. But those who get, and those who give, them are not mine to maim, injure, or murder.

This also is not an argument against the death penalty, although I must admit my feelings on that are starting to waver. I used to be one of its staunchest of supporters. But I don't see any empirical evidence that it reduces killings. My opinion is that it could it we didn't have so many appeals, legal briefs, and other procedures that kept most murderers on Death Row for a decade or longer. Texas executes more people than any other state, yet in 2007 it had its highest murder rate in five years.

This is about God's law and how it's misused, deliberately, by some who call themselves "Conservative Christians."

Somebody who is willing to murder a human being because they feel he is sinning is NOT, I repeat NOT, a true Christian. Would Christ have murdered somebody because they were not following His law? Why do we feel we are smarter than Christ? The last I checked, Christ commanded us to love our enemies. Yes, that's probably the hardest thing for me to accept of everything He teaches me. But it is His instruction to us, as inconvenient of a truth that might be for some.

And then there is sin. Christians know that one sin is not worse than another. Christ is quite clear in His teachings about this. I remember in Catholic grade school there was a book that said some sins are bigger than others. But the Bible doesn't say this anywhere and, if we believe that one sin is worse than others, we are again placing ourselves above God.

So, should I go cap my friend because he cheated on his wife? Should I blade another friend because he beat up somebody over a bar tab? Should I run over my neighbor with my car because he piled rocks against my fence to keep rainwater in my yard and out of his?

God doesn't want us to be victims. I have no doubt that He forgives me if I hurt or kill somebody who breaks into my house and tries to attack my family. And, make no mistake, I would have absolutely no compunction, or hesitation, to do this. But to simply attack somebody because their value system offends me, or because I think he is a sinner, or because I object to what he is doing on moral grounds, is sin. That's it.

George Tiller was morally wrong. I believe that. But, legally, he was protected. Remember "render unto God what is God's, and render unto Caesar what is Caesar's?"

The legal system had a chance to punish Tiller several times. It did not. I believe there is no doubt that he will answer to the highest court now.

But, as humans, we can't simply take the law into our own hands. It's against God's law. It's against the law of the land. And you simply can't accurately call yourself a Christian if you do. Christ would not command us to, and that's at the root of this.

So, if you are celebrating George Tiller's murder, get thee away from me, Satan. If you are praying for his family and friends, then your attitude is what, I believe, God would have for us.

We Christians can't stay silent about abortion. We should teach in our homes and churches that it's wrong, that it's a sin. We can elect people who will make laws that make it illegal.

We already have those laws that say murder is a capital crime. Are you teaching in your home and church that murder is wrong? Christ commands that you do. And don't use His name in front of me to defend yourself if you are not.

If you believe the man who murdered George Tiller is someone to be admired, or if you are saying today, "well, I understand why he did it,", then please don't lump your religion in with mine. It's not the same. Don't tell me God commands you to be his avenging angel. There is no Bible passage that gives you this right.

Christ will return in His own time. God acts in his own time. And if you're telling me that you're smarter than God, well, please remove the "Christian" from "Conservative."

Men Are Pigs, And They Don't Wash Their Hands

I was drinking a few beers at my neighborhood Huey's the other night. OK, those who know Bluto will not have a hard time fathoming this possibility.

At any rate, beer is always rented, so I had to return some of it. Something happened in the Huey's men's room that usually happens there, and at Buffalo Wild Wings, and in every other bar or restaurant I frequent. This day's example was more egregious than others so it's worth, at least in Bluto's warped mind, pointing out as perfect evidence of why men are pigs.

Women have known this for eons. Men are having a harder time coming to grips with the concept.

And, no, I was not spying on others to enhance my feelings of inadequacy, so get your filthy minds out of the gutter.

A young man finished his rental return, turned, and walked straight out of the men's room. When I see this, I am always disgusted. Having lived in Memphis for the better part of two decades, it takes quite a bit to move the disgusto-meter. But watching somebody do their business, then walk out without making even a feeble attempt at hand washing, is disgusting and points out the lousy parenting they got.

My kids wash their hands every time. They do this because they have learned there are consequences. I have pointed out to them what people do who don't wash. And, if my sons touch a handle or faucet with a bare hand after washing, they have to scrub up again, "scrub" being the operative word here. Only the friction caused by scrubbing kills bacteria. Rinsing with a little water does nothing but partially remove that pesky smell of pee-pee from your fingers.

Here's a clue to men. When you just rinse off with some water, then turn off the faucet and open the door with your bare hand, you are touching what's left behind by the thousands of your fellow morons who came before you. You just took away Fred's urine, Joe's poop, and Larry's sperm. Yes, sperm.

I have seen or read several investigations where reporters swab door handles in men's rooms. When tested, the number one thing found was, in many cases, sperm. Makes one not want to look through a crack of the stall door to see if it's empty. Every sample has fecal matter or urine traces. I, for one, am not a big fan of having someone else's body waste samples on my hands, samples I can then easily transfer to my lips and intestines through the act of eating.

So, men, go ahead and take Larry's sperm back to your table with you. Which is what the young man did at Huey's on this recent night.

As I walked back to my table, and yes I scrubbed well with soap and used a paper towel to shut off the water and open the door, I saw the young man EATING NACHOS with his fingers.

So, and this is a mind-blower, the young man was eating Larry's sperm, Fred's urine, and Joe's poop. Yes, when you leave a restroom and grab the handle, you have become one with all of those who came before you. If you are comfortable with that, I only ask that you stay away from me. Don't shake my hand. Don't pass the salt. And don't lick your fingers where I can see it.

And picture this. If you shake that young man's hand, you have become one with him, Larry, Joe, and Fred. If you use that ketchup bottle that young man used, you join with him in the fecal fraternity. If you think restaurants are routinely disinfecting this stuff, you're nuts. It's the gift that keeps on giving, and can give for hours.

This is about common decency, which I know is lacking in our neck of the woods. It's about doing everything possible to help prevent the spread of diseases, and if you think diseases can't be spread through fecal matter, think again.

Parents, teach your children. And, consumers, if you see a restaurant employee doing an inadequate job of hand washing, tell the manager immediately. If you feel the manager is part of the problem, call the health department.

You think it can't affect you? One of the better TV News investigations I've seen was out of Salt Lake City. A crew bought iced tea at six fast-food places and sent each sample to a lab for testing. The number one contaminant in these samples? Fecal matter. In other words, employees were doing a "code brown" and then not washing their hands. Then they made the iced tea and let everyone who drank it have a little poopie sample.

I'm told the same sort of uncleanliness happens in women's restrooms, but I have not actively sought to enter one on purpose (I have taken a wrong turn after renting a LOT of beer, but that's another story for another time).

Men are pigs. Don't shake their hands. Don't touch handles in men's rooms. And if you see Joe eating nachos, try to avoid the urge to run away screaming, at least in a crowded restaurant.

If you think this is a small problem, it's not. I would estimate that half or more of the men going in and out of bar and restaurant restrooms are not washing their hands. It's especially bad among younger men, who think they're invincible, but it cuts across all age and racial lines.

You can't stop these idiots from polluting things, but you can protect yourself by using paper towels and napkins to touch all community things in public places. Or you can wash your hands well before eating finger food.

I'd say this all really pisses me off, but that would be too easy. I'd also say we should all confront the morons who don't wash up (but I didn't pee on my hands!) Right, and I want to touch your Johnson. Thanks a lot. Confrontation would do no good. These buttheads just don't care, and all of the harsh words in the world aren't going to make them change.

So teach your children, don't touch crap-laden crap, and carry sanitizer. It's a dirty world out there. Men are pigs who mark their territory like dogs. You don't have to help with the spread. Maybe just oink around them a little.

The Society of Those Who Tip Accurately To Reflect The Quality Of Memphis Service

Today Bluto is annoyed again. This time it's about lousy customer service and, more specifically, why we continue to support it. At the end of today's entry I have an invitation to you, and to others, to help make a difference and accurately expose places where the service, well, routinely has a high suck factor.

Be honest. When was the last time you went to a restaurant and tipped 20% even though the service was lousy?

Guess what? You just empowered that lazy or apathetic server to do the same thing to the next chump.

My family and I, along with some friends, visited PF Chang's on Sunday. We were seated promptly, which may be notice served that the place is starting to become less popular. I mean, when was the last time you went to one of the more popular Memphis eateries right after Church on Sunday and got a seat right away, especially for a party of nine as we had? I can't remember.

At any rate, we sat in our seats for several minutes before anyone came to take a drink order. At that point I should have known something would be wrong but I was having a good time conversing with our friends and watching our children, and theirs, play drums with their chopsticks (which I confiscated shortly thereafter when plates became cymbals).

Things were looking up again when the server said she'd have no problem remembering how to split the check. (doing this keeps friendships fresh, IMHO)

But after our drink glasses went unfilled each and every time, and we sat for 10-15 minutes waiting on refills, after our sauce mixes didn't come out when the spring rolls did (I LOVE the sauce when it's mixed just right) and after half the food came out and we had to wait for the rest, things just went downhill. My favorite was her making us wait for 15-minutes for our check, and forgetting our take-home box. I got a bit snippy at this point.

I summoned a manager, and my friend and I calmly, believe it or not, explained all that had gone wrong. The manager was helpful and I believe heard and considered our points. BTW, the male manager on duty seemed oblivious to everything. It was his female counterpart that actually seemed as if she had a clue.

The final insult came when the checks came and 18% gratuity was tacked on. The manager offered to reduce it but, by this time, we had been in the restaurant for one hour and 50 minutes, and our children had long since reached the bouncing off of the walls point. We protested, signed the checks and left.

What saves this place is my friend and I agree we usually get good service and good food when we go there, which is often. But we have been twice on recent Sundays and, both times, things simply sucked. And having to wait on one's food, especially when one has kids in tow, for nearly an hour is unforgivable.

Last night we took a friend who had a reason to celebrate a success to dinner at Cozymels. I am not a big fan of the place, but she likes it so my wife and I took her there.

My youngest ordered the kid's "Mac and Cheese" meal. We were informed the place had run out of pasta. Tell me, how does a place run out of enough pasta to make a kid's mac and cheese?

Of course I tipped 20%. I am a moron.

Here's what I propose for all of you who read this and, I hope, you will spread the offer to any and all of those you know who might like to participate.

Let's create, with all of us as charter members, the "The Society of Those Who Tip Accurately To Reflect The Quality Of Memphis Service." We will pledge to each other that, if we get sucky service, we will tip ten percent or less. I am NOT a big fan of "stiffing" a server because, even if they stink at their jobs, they have mouths to feed.

To be a member you have to pledge to tip to accurately reflect the quality of the service AND to speak with a manager BEFORE leaving the establishment that day.

Part two; you will send your restaurant experience narratives, being as specific as possible, to me. Then I will have establish one day per week where I will post them and we will share which local dining establishments to avoid, which ones to patronize, and which ones to simply ridicule and at which to scoff.

If you sign your post, and I know who you are, you will remain anonymous. If I don't know who you are, and you give me a valid email address, which is non-Hotmail or GMail or other anonymous service, or if you tell me who referred you to the blog, I will post it and not use your name.

I think the Commercial Appeal's Restaurant Reviews are no longer useful. It used to be they would excoriate lousy service or food, and give a grade to reflect that. Now there is no grade offered, and they simply love everywhere.

So, this forum can serve as an accurate reading of what customer service is really like at local dining halls, both expensive and cheap.

Get to eating and get to writing. We can help each other to know how and where to spend our eating-out money more effectively and efficiently.

And I'll have you to help me creatively bitch about stuff.

Extremism In The Defense Of The Packing

"Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice, moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue." Barry Goldwater's quote is one of the most powerful of the last century, IMHO. It's often misinterpreted, as Goldwater was not referring to bomb-throwing "freedom fighters", but rather to those who stood to fight, rhetorically or by their dedication to their cause.

The thing about the quote, however, is that it ignores nuance. It tosses aside distinctions and seems to suggest blind allegiance to a credo, and those who would profit from doing so will claim it means that it's pretty much OK to do or say anything if you have to do get something done.

On Memorial Day I am always reminded of the dedication to the defense of liberty that American fighting men and women have shown throughout our country's history. I think it's fair to say that Americans fought the good fight for nearly two hundred years. I can be persuaded by an argument that our battles in Vietnam and Iraq have not always been, "the good fight", but that doesn't take away the honor shown by those who fought there, and it should never denigrate the sacrifices they made. As a former Marine I understand that I might be ordered to fight in any battle, in any war, and as a Marine I accept that. It comes with the territory. Marines fight honorably, and it's sometimes to the death.

But there are some fights that just aren't honorable. There are some battles that, by their very fighting, forfeit the moral high ground. They further empower the powerful, and they weaken the weakest. Such is the battle over keeping ALL firearms legal in the United States.

I believe we, as Americans, should have the right to own a firearm. I don't believe the Second Amendment guarantees that. Yes, this is a dichotomy and some will call it waffling or worse. I prefer to believe it's the willingness to look at issues and refuse to take an "all or nothing" stand. I liken it to a line-item veto. If a US President had the blanket ability to delete certain portions of bills, without throwing the entire thing into the trash, then American taxpayers would fund far fewer pork barrel projects, perhaps in the range of more than a trillion dollars.

But, as congress knows it's "all or nothing" and if a President vetoes a bill, even with hundreds of riders attached, then our pork-loving elected officials can override the veto and force that "bridge to nowhere" down our throats. (note, for at least four more years there is very little hope of any veto as Saint Barrack has a congressional majority. We do have two years to wake up, people) After all, if a congressman attaches $50 million for home-state hubcap factories to a bill that would provide free vaccines to the poor, a Presidential veto can be spun, by the aggrieved congressman, into appearing that the President hates children.

I don't have much respect for any "all or nothing" people. OK, maybe those who say one best consumes chocolate brownies an entire tray at a time don't qualify here. Other than that, however, I think such people or organizations are harmful to those of us who have the mental capacity, and the ability, to look at issues without zealotry or political myopia.

The National Rifle Association is willing to employ any tactic necessary to force through its agenda. It will fatten the fat cats with $1000 steak dinners. It will transport politicians to exotic locales for vacations. It will promise it's political largesse, and voting block of lemmings, to those who play along. The NRA understands how the American political game is played, and it plays it with the skill of Yo-yo Ma manipulating his cello.

I don't hate the NRA. Its firearm safety program is outstanding, and its campaign to educate people on how to keep from blowing off their private parts has merit. Yes, pistol packers do blow off their own private parts, and it happens with more regularity than any "all or nothing" firearms supporter wants to admit. But it's handguns that cause this mayhem. I haven't heard of anyone shooting their own wee-wee with a shotgun in, oh, ever.

I simply despise the way the NRA deals in absolutes. The NRA refuses to consider that Teflon-coated bullets that can pierce though a police officer's Kevlar vest should be illegal. I guess one never knows when one might need an armor-piercing round to off Bambi. The little bastard might be packing heat, after all. And the NRA refuses to even consider that assault rifles, such as the AK-47, a weapon designed to fire a round big enough to punch a hole the size of your fist as it comes out of your back, are for killing people and not for hunting or anything else that might be of benefit to mankind. And tell me why machine pistols, such as Uzi's, which are specifically designed to fire rounds at people, should be allowed on our streets? The NRA believes they should.

It's the NRA's all or nothing way of dealing with firearms that drives me to disparage the organization and its goals. I realize it's a convenient whipping boy for liberals and anti-firearms activists. I am not one of either of those factions. And I know my position on common sense legislation of firearms drives some of my fellow conservatives nuts. We've had "the chat". Even with the flak coming from the right I am not willing to concede that Big Brother will come to confiscate my Remington .22 with the outstanding Bushnell scope if we make handguns and assault rifles illegal.

I'm also not willing to concede the old position "if guns are outlawed only outlaws will have guns." I am not calling for the elimination of all firearms, only those sold, distributed, and possessed for one reason; the killing of people.

I have never been hunting with a .45 calibre pistol. I have never shot a deer with the M-16 I learned to use as an effective killing machine during my tenure as a Marine. I have, however, harvested prey using a 12-gauge shotgun. I also feel I can defend my family and my home quite effectively with either a shotgun or my .22 rifle loaded with hollow-point bullets.

I am a strict constitutionalist. I believe our country was made great primarily because we have a document, the United States Constitution, that lives and breaths. The men that wrote it some 220 years ago created a document that guaranteed life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness to all who dwell in our country. It has been amended many times, but for our country to remain what it has become I believe we must defend and apply the constitution as it was meant to be applied.

There are a few parts of the Bill of Rights that some find inconvenient today, or they are just too lazy to understand and defend. I believe the men that wrote the document were brilliant, and took a lot of time to think through the wording, and the meaning, of what they wrote.

There was a reason the "Founding Fathers" specifically cited the Press in the Constitution and its amendments. They understood that a free press, that was willing to expose government corruption and would take on government, was necessary to inform the electorate and help voters make educated choices.

Please note there is nothing about term limits anywhere in the constitution. The Constitution's authors felt elections would accomplish that. The Press would, by design, help ferret out information needed by people and, by design, people would consume it and make good decisions on Election Day.

Even though the electorate, by and large, no longer gives a collective rat's posterior about doing any kind of research, especially in Memphis where skin color often means more than honesty, integrity, and wisdom, the Constitution is still on-point about how it should work. When people start believing they are smarter than Thomas Jefferson, et.al, then we get what we deserve.

Which brings me, nicely, to the Constitution's Second Amendment. To understand why it is written the way it is one must understand the way things were when it was written. Around 1787 the Revolutionary War was a painful and recent memory. Americans didn't have much stomach for another big war, and there was not a truly strong central government. As such, states and territories had to rely on militias to enforce the law and keep peace.

When the Constitution's authors met to pen the "Bill Of Rights", they had to consider a way to allow the states to arm the militias, and prevent rogue courts or other authorities from robbing them of that power and right. So, the Second Amendment was added. It reads, "A well maintained militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed."

That, my friends, is the ENTIRE text of the Second Amendment. The intent of the amendment was solely to arm militias. The language, "the right of the people to keep and bear arms" was never intended to allow every American to pack a sidearm, own an assault rifle, or bear a bazooka.

If one checks one's history, Americans simply didn't own weapons at the time of the writing of the Constitution. Farmers had them to shoot food to feed their families. But city dwellers didn't have them, and by all accounts gun crime was non-existent.

It was only in the late 19th century, when the Colt sidearm became mass produced, that Americans started their long romance with firearms. It was mass advertising that caused it, and the battle over the Second Amendment started in earnest.

The Second Amendment notwithstanding, the recent passage of laws in Tennessee that will allow gun permit holders to take their weapons into bars and restaurants is simply one of the most astounding pieces of stupidity and idiocy I have witnessed in my lifetime. Tell me, what possible good can come of this? Guns and alcohol don't mix. True, if you're carrying a weapon it will still be illegal for you to drink in public. But tell me what bartender is going to refuse to serve a packing patron? And tell me why restaurant owners, managers, and employers should be forced to police this monument of moronity?

But the NRA supported the legislation and, behind the scenes, lent considerable political muscle to its passage. Of course, judging the Tennessee legislature using any kind of litmus test tied to gray matter is absurd and would yield nary a tick on the cerebral Geiger counter.

Businesses can post signs that make their establishments gun free. Tell me, if a pistol packing poltroon walks in demanding a drink, will that 95-lb. waitress tell him "no"? Remember the "well informed electorate" portion above? Tennesseans have a chance to show their lack of ignorance by voting these idiots out of office at the next possible opportunity. Now THERE is an example of effective limiting of terms in office.

I don't buy the argument that packing heat makes me safer. I know that people say they wear sidearms because it makes them feel safer. Perhaps, but it's an ill-conceived sense of safety and one refuted by several studies.

I have seen too many studies, and not just those funded by left-wing wackos, where people lack the training to defend themselves with a firearm when danger pops up.

There was an outstanding one shown recently on a televised news magazine. I wish I could remember the network, but it's really not important.

It showed several rooms full of people who had taken an extensive firearms training course. They all had weapons. They thought they had pistols but, in fact, they fired paint pellets.

Unexpectedly, an attacker burst into the room and started firing at them. They did not know it was coming. In every scenario, repeated several times, the pistol packers either shot each other, missed their target, or failed to get off a shot before they were, themselves, shot several times.

It takes years of training in facilities not available to the average Joe or Josephine to be able to defend oneself well in times of danger. The body reacts to danger by releasing tons of endorphins, and those little pearls of energy provide tunnel vision. You simply can't think like you need to think without long, long periods of stressful, real life, training. You and I can't walk off of the street and get it. You can't get it by firing at paper targets. You can't get it by going to the firing range and popping off rounds at a piece of wood that pops up 25-yards away.

The good stuff is available to law enforcement and the military. And without it, people simply can't learn to do what's necessary when their lives are threatened. We like to think we're John Wayne but, in fact, we're normal humans with reactions that humans have when in danger. And those reactions, unless sublimated through training, will prevent us from being able to draw, aim, and fire accurately and with the lethal action we need. In nearly every case the inadequately trained will be dead before he can fire an accurate shot or, as the training scenarios showed, they will kill an innocent bystander with an errant shot.

So, why not look at things calmly. Why can't we, as Americans, say we don't really need handguns or other weapons designed to kill people? Why can't we force our elected officials to actually provide penalties that mean something when firearms are used in commission of felonies? I propose a life prison sentence, without parole, for anyone who uses a firearm against a person. I propose taking away a judge's option to reduce the sentence. I propose taking away time for "good behavior". I propose that, if somebody uses a firearm against a person, whether he shoots that person or not, he goes away for the rest of his life.

This will only work if we take away the ability of bleeding heart judges to lessen sentences. And I believe that, if we do this, it will dramatically reduce the number of gun crimes. It might, after a time (because people will have to see that it works and that we weren't kidding) actually nearly eliminate gun crime. And wouldn't that negate the need to own a weapon designed to kill people?

You'd have to make selling such weapons illegal, at stores or at gun shows. You'd have to make those penalties strong, perhaps forfeiture of the violator's business and weapons stock, along with a hefty fine. And if someone is importing prohibited weapons, they go away for life as well.

I think the reason we have crime issues has a lot to do with the fact that we aren't serious about punishment. We allow smart lawyers and cowardly judges to manipulate prison time down to something not meaningful. Fix that, and things get better. It requires a lot of political will, and we continue to elect crooks and thieves who belly up to the NRA's, and other special interest group's, bars and water down everything that matters. We get what we deserve.

So, give all of us guns in restaurants and in federal parks. We'll kill each other and the bad guys will still run free. I loved the recent letter to the editor where the NRA apologist says we need guns in parks because 11 people were shot there last year. The last I checked there were hundreds of National Parks and National Monuments. 11 is too many, but it doesn't justify extremism in the defense of liberty.

It's time for some common sense. The NRA is a convenient target, and it certainly isn't the only problem in this mess. But it is the extremist at the center, and its "all or nothing" approach is harmful and dangerous to us all.

But at least it knows how to get out the vote, even if it's helping to make America a more deadly place than ever. Countries that effectively ban weapons, and have severe penalties for possession, have exceptionally low crime rates. Look it up for yourself.

But, in the United States, we can pack a pistol into the pub. Hey, that's worth something. And if you don't like it, eat steel coated rounds, sucker.

The Lord Works In Mysterious Ways

I often ponder God's sense of humor. I have no doubt that He has one. The evidence is omnipresent and irrefutable.

For instance, why does he allow husbands to open their mouths to make seemingly innocuous, and absolutely accurate, comments that they know will cause their wives to go into an apoplectic shock that will cause marriage stress for hours or days?

This morning I witnessed God's laughter first hand. I had two coffee cups in my car and, as I got ready to leave to take the kids to school, I told my wife I would bring them to her. She said, "just sit them down and I'll get them later." Now, if God did not have such a wicked sense of humor he would have simply allowed me to set them on a table in my garage, smile, and go on. But NOOOOOOO.

My garage is a pit. It drives me crazy. There are kites, bikes, bats, balls, tents, bags, a veritable plethora of child-related crap lying all over. I absolutely hate this. Why? Because I do. So, instead of just putting down the coffee cups, getting into my car, and silently driving away I said, "you know they'll still be here in two weeks."

Because of God's sense of humor I had a door slammed in my face.

If God didn't have a sense of humor why would he allow our minds to grow sharper and our bodies turn into blubber-enhanced piles of recliner goo? And, if men were really that smart, why would we continue to attempt to play sports designed for younger men? I know why. Because God invented Chiropractors and Orthopaedic Medicine specialists, and they have to feed their families, too.

This morning a friend related to me how he had attempted to play softball and had ruptured a hamstring so badly his thigh looked like a coal bin. As I had done this in the last two years, and as both of us are either pushing 50 or have already blown past that barrier, it caused me to, again, contemplate God's sense of humor. Why are men stupid enough to think they can still run bases at 50, but smart enough to invent things like a kit to turn a normal refrigerator into one for beer kegs? The wonder of it all simply causes me to pause.

And then there is beer. Ben Franklin said, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." OK, I can see that. But if God does not have a sense of humor, why does he let white people drink beer and then go dancing? And why, if God does not have a sense of humor, did he allow the Village People to record "YMCA"? Go to a local minor-league baseball game. See JoeBob and SallyJoe drink beer. See white folks dancing to YMCA. There is no better evidence of God's sense of humor.

And, of course, one need not look farther than children for further evidence of God's sense of humor. I mean, without children we adults would have no idea how stupid we really are. As my eldest grows older, I get simply more and more cerebrally challenged. I don't know where the brain cells are going. Maybe they leak out through my auditory canals as I sleep. All I know is, five years ago I was the smartest guy in the world. Now I think the word "dad" is Yiddish for "freaking idiot" or something. And pretty soon the little *&%$# will be able to outrun me. Of course, right before we finish that race I am going to trip him so he falls down and breaks his leg. THEN let's see who's smart about finding an doctor in a hurry.

There may be no more powerful evidence of God's warped sense of humor than the Cheeseburger. I mean, what self-respecting American can go an entire week without a Cheeseburger? There is nothing sublime about the Cheeseburger. The burned beef, the fat slabs of cheese, the tangy mustard, the odorous onion; it all assaults our senses and brings us a few minutes of animal fat induced bliss. Then, after a few weeks of Cheeseburgers, we take our Lipitor for high cholesterol, we get on the treadmill to sweat off the excess weight, and we do our tummy crunches to try to take the Cheeseburger-added inches off of our prodigious pouches. Maybe Cheeseburgers are God's way of bringing us to Him quicker than the world would otherwise allow. All I know is, when I get a good Cheeseburger, I spend a few minutes in heaven. And I hear God laughing at the irony.

God's sense of humor was pointed out to me in a really powerful way this morning. It seems I get this sort of epiphany at the strangest times. Today I was driving my car, and my youngest had turned my XM radio to a Christian station, one with modern gospel. BTW, if you don't have XM, go get it. It's one of the smartest purchases I ever made. I've had it for seven years now.

Anyway, Whitney Houston was singing, "I Love The Lord." If you've never heard this, it is powerful in its simplicity and beauty. And Houston shows off those God-given pipes. Talk about smart vs. stupid, this woman is a poster child. But she can wail. This song always gives me chills, and today it nearly sent me to tears. I started thinking about how blessed I am. I love my family. I have a bunch of friends I adore and, maybe more importantly, they accept me for who I am, warts and all. OK, maybe the big mouth can cause issues at times, but they still don't turn away and run when I walk up.

Houston's singing on "The Preacher's Wife" soundtrack, on which "I Love The Lord" and her absolutely stunning version of "Joy To The World" exist, will give you chills. Then, when you factor in all of the stupid mistakes she's made with her life, you figure that God is both benevolent and forgiving.

But, back to the sense of humor. Why did he allow me to buy a car with an amazing stereo system, and then give the parts guys the right to charge me $300 to replace a speaker in one of the doors? OK, that isn't God at work, so it must be the devil.

And the devil is at work in our world. When we celebrate "alternative lifestyles" that God clearly, and repeatedly, tells us are wrong in His word, when we spread rumors about people, when we refuse to tell people about our faith, when we eat ourselves into HMO-busting blobs, it's the devil who is laughing.

But then there is the most important evidence of God's sense of humor, because he is laughing at the Devil. God gave us His grace, and we are saved by that alone. If we repent, confess our sins to God, and believe in Him, we have his promise of everlasting life.

Talk about having the last laugh. Not even the ulcer my eldest is giving me can take that away. The ulcer is coming because he is JUST like me, and my mom and my wife are telling me it's God's way of getting back at me. Now, I don't believe in a vengeful God. But when I have to discipline my son because he is a wisea--, or because he smarts off, or because he is anal retentive about some of the stupidest things on the face of the planet (see cluttery garage above), well, let's just say I see God's wicked sense of humor. And that is just fine with me. Thank you, Lord.

So don't break his leg when I knock him down. A few bruises and a little humility will suffice. And maybe he can shut up for five minutes. But then he wouldn't be just like me anymore. So go ahead and have your little laugh. Your blessings to me show me you love me. Even if it's a tough love at times.

Hizzoner is an excellent politician

Diversion. It's a legal term for what happens if you don't have a long criminal record and a judge has pity on you. It means you can go get counseling, do community service, or whatever and you eventually get your arrest record cleared.

Diversion is also a technique that smart politicians use to deflect criticism and get people to look the other way while things continue to spiral downward.

Mayor Herenton is a master of diversion. When the city was clamoring about the FBI investigation, Hizzoner manufactured a tale that said he would consider "retiring" as mayor. He said he wanted to become Superintendent of the Memphis City Schools. He had no more intention of doing this than he has of giving up on the under the table payments that, according to witnesses in recent corruption trials, he's getting.

As a new federal prosecutor is about to get appointed for the Memphis area, Herenton concocted a tale that said he might run for congress against Steve Cohen. Do you think maybe this was to put pressure on Cohen, who has a key role in appointing the prosecutor? Herenton wants someone who might be sympathetic to his lying, cheating, swindling, manipulating ways. In other words, he wants one of his homeys. By putting pressure on Cohen, Herenton hopes to get such a person as the new federal prosecutor. This, of course, is because Hizzoner sees the FBI investigative circle tightening.

Now Herenton announces that Lebonheur Children's Hospital will "partner" with the city to process rape kits when juveniles are victims. It's a brilliant political move. Lebonheur is, deservedly so, looked upon as one of the better children's hospitals in the United States. Having it involved in this will make the process speed up, guarantee accuracy, and give victims the kind and speedy treatment they are not getting now through the Rape Crisis Center, which is administered by the office of the Mayor.

By the way, did anyone else notice that half of all rape victims in Shelby County are children? Where is the outrage?

Herenton has survived one political crisis after another, and the list is a long one. But the outcry over the Rape Crisis Center is something new. It's across racial lines. It's bipartisan.

Now, of course, our chicken doo-doo City Council won't confront the Mayor and say, "well, the person you put in charge, that convicted felon (really) that had no experience who you are paying in excess of $100k per year is destroying the thing and you appointed her so it's on your watch so you should take responsibility".

The City Council has Janis Fullilove. 'Nuff said.

But Herenton is a smart politician. He feels the heat on this one. He knows this is something that is actually eroding his base support, and to do that takes a lot. It's been coming. When Hickory Hill got hit by a tornado last year Hizzoner did nothing to help. He didn't go out to see people, he didn't walk through the neighborhood to reassure people and tell them the city would help.

No, he did nothing, which is pretty much a metaphor for his leadership over the last few years. Nothing except for make himself rich, or course.

Even now, more than a year later, trash is still piled up in Hickory Hill, storm debris that still has not been cleared by the city.

And the Mayor's trash is piling up as well. As his appointees continue to fail, to screw the public pooch, the heat is finally turning up. The Rape Crisis Center is a vital organization, and it can no longer get its work done in time to help catch crooks or help sooth the wounds of victims. Yolanda McFagdon used to lead the Mayor's program to hire convicts and help them work for the city. She is uniquely qualified for this job as she, herself, is a convicted felon. She and her boyfriend liked to sell drugs, you see, or at least the boyfriend did. And she got caught hiding his stash in her house. Yet the Mayor has made her the head of the Rape Crisis Center.

Speaking of metaphors, how ironic that the Rape Crisis Center crisis is resonating with the people of Memphis, as rape is pretty much how I would describe what Hizzoner has done to all of us over the years.

At any rate, Herenton has now managed to draw attention away from all of the outcry by getting Lebonheur into the fold. He is like Houdini, a master political escape artist who knows how to pull the correct strings to divert attention away from himself. And, of course, Janice Broach and the rest of the local lapdog media won't say a damned thing about it. After all, if you're inviting lawmakers to your home for parties and promising no negative coverage, how can you go after them when they screw up? I am NOT making that up. One of the local News Directors does this.

Today the City Council will have the opportunity to grill the Mayor. It won't happen. They'll nod and say, "yes sir" and the city will continue to suffer through this latest crisis.

I ask again, when will you, as a voter in Memphis, wise up and fight this junk? You got what you deserved in who you elected. What are you going to do about it? The resounding answer for most is "nothing". Apathy, thy name is the Memphis electorate. Herenton understands this, and he knows how to energize his base, his "41% solution" which Bluto calls it.

This time, though, things feel a bit different. If the City Council actually grows a few pairs, and puts the heat on Hizzoner, then the outrage, which is righteous on this issue, will continue to grow.

There is finally an issue that can bring accountability to the Mayor's office. But it's going to take some loud and forceful voices of all colors. How about, for once, we all do the right thing and reveal the Emporer's new clothes? You read that book when you were a child, back when your parents were trying to teach you right from wrong. OK, in Memphis, a lot of parents were teaching you how to clean a handgun and rob a convenience store.

But for some of us the difference between right and wrong has blurred over the years. Few issues crystalize it like the Rape Crisis Center crisis. You have a city administration that has destroyed a vital institution. You have a Mayor who appointed an unqualified criminal to head one of the area's most important entities. Very few things, in politics or in life, are as clear.

Call your city council member RIGHT NOW and demand action. The number is 901-576-6786.

Or watch as things get even worse. Now is the time, and you have a chance to make a difference. What are you going to do? You can stop a rape. Do it. If you don't, you're just as guilty as McFagdon and Hizzoner. Mull that one over for a minute. Then make the call.